The Niang
by Noname the Weird
Summary: What happens when you've got a creepy fanclub dedicated to you following you around? Chaos. If you doubt me, ask Ness. He's got a fanfic dedicated to that horrid event...


The Niang  
  
A Fireside story for Hylians by The Person with No Name  
  
A/N: Wow, this is a new one. A fanfic that pokes fun at their own club :P. Well, I wrote this for Camp Hyrule, but it didn't make it onto the galleries --;. Ah well. So instead. I'm posting it on Fanfiction.net! XD  
  
Ness: NOOO!  
  
[grins evilly] Enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own SSB:M. Techinically, I own Niang and Tana. But mentally, Niang and Tana were already created since the birth of Earthbound.  
  
***  
  
"Mom, I'm going to take a walk, 'kay?"  
  
"Okay, just be careful!  
  
"I will!" Ness said as he closed the door.  
  
It was a bright and beautiful day in the peaceful town of Onett! Ness stared at the big, blue sky, hoping that today may be that one special day where Onett was actually normal. All of a sudden, those hopes were clawed out of his mind and thrown into a garbage can.  
  
Five ninjas popped out of nowhere. All of them had the same suit: blue, with a badge that had his head crossed out, and a sceond badge that said "TANA".  
  
Ness raised an eyebrow. "Who are you freaks?"  
  
"Your the one that's a freak," one of them stated. "I mean, what kind of thirteen-year-old wears a beanie cap, a striped shirt and a backpack 24/7?"  
  
"We are The Anti-Ness Alliance," stated another. "Our sole purpose is to get rid of you and your wimpy bat from the history of Nintendo! FUFUFUFU!"  
  
Ness raised the other eyebrow. "O.kay."  
  
A Tana member raised a knife. "So now. YOU DIE!"  
  
"Not so fast, evil members of Tana!"  
  
Tana and Ness looked up to find five people with various weapons fall from the sky. One girl had a mallet. Another had light arrows (I wonder where she got them.), and so forth.  
  
The girl with the mallet stood in a valiant, yet cheesy pose.  
  
"You vile, toenail-clippings-eating ninjas! How dare you try to harass the god that is Ness?!"  
  
"Uh. I can actually take on these people on my-" Ness said, but was interuppted by a guy with a spatula.  
  
"Don't worry," the spatula guy said. "We'll take care of 'em!"  
  
And with that statement, came a fight so violent, I'll do the honors of not describing to save the stomachs of everyone in Camp Hyrule.  
  
"Whew," A guy with colored pencils said as he pulled all of them out of a Tana member's body. "That was one heck of a fight!"  
  
"Who are you guys?" Ness questioned.  
  
"We are.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.the Niang!"  
  
Ness raised an eyebrow for the third time in this story. "The. Niang?"  
  
"The Ness Isn't A Nitwit Group," the girl with light arrows explained. "We don't hate Ness-haters. We torture 'em!"  
  
The girl with the mallet exclaimed, "As long as we exist, we'll never let anyone hurt you!"  
  
Ness didn't know this at the moment, but in the future, he will learn to really despise that phrase.  
  
***  
  
"I really did wish I had packed lunch." Ness muttered. He was in a gargantuam line for lunch at the cafeteria, only to pay two bucks for a watery burger. Oh, the horror. "Oh well," he sighed. "At least it'll fill my stomach. With pollution, that is."  
  
"Unless I steal your money, shortie!"  
  
Ness looked up to see a HUGE kid. A very, strong huge kid, in fact.  
  
"Oh, it's you," Ness said nonchantly. "Ralph, the infamous kid who steals people's lunch money 'cause he's retarded."  
  
The word "retarded" obviously had an effect on him. "Ooh, you little." he growled. "I'll tear you to-"  
  
"DON'T WORRY, WE'LL SAVE YOOOOOOOU!"  
  
The same five fell from the sky again.  
  
"You five again?"  
  
"Yep!" said a Niang member as she was beating up the "poor" Ralph.  
  
Ness eyed the destruction they were causing. "Uhh. That's not really nescessary, people."  
  
The girl with the mallet stuck a lollipop in Ness's mouth. "Aww, don't be silly, Nessie!"  
  
Nessie.. err. Ness started sucking on the lollipop while he watched the Niang brutally murder Ralph, half-disturbed, half-relieved. Mostly disturbed, actually.  
  
"Well," a Niang member said, "I think he's dead!"  
  
And with that, they disappeared.  
  
The principal was walking into the cafeteria, when he noticed the remains of Ralph, with Ness right next to him. The principal gawked at it, wide- eyed. Then he decided to scold Ness.  
  
"Ness, I know you have spiffy psychic powers, but if you want to kill someone with it, you're going to have to do it in the bathroom. Clean this mess up, and that's an order!"  
  
Ness slapped his forehead and shook his head.  
  
***  
  
This was it. Him vs. Bowser. One-stock battle. Termina: Great Bay.  
  
"Ready? GO!"  
  
Ness jumped off the turtle and went up to Bowser. "PK FIRE!" Ness exclaimed as he used his psychic powers to set Bowser on fire. After recovering from being burned, Bowser used his "Koopa Claw" attack and grabbed Ness. He bit him a few times, then let Ness go.  
  
Out of nowhere, two hammers and a sword struck in Bowser's back, causing him to accidently fall into the sea and lose the match. Nana, Popo, and Young Link was found doing a little victory jig.  
  
Ness blinked twice. "W-what? What are you three doing here? This is supposed to be just me with Bowser!"  
  
"Well," said Link, "since we joined the group, we've been real. twitchy about any violence applied to you."  
  
Ness spoke, with fear in his voice: "W-what is this gr-group called?"  
  
"Niang!"  
  
Ness screamed. Suddenly, all the Niang members in existance popped of everywhere!  
  
"As long as we exist," they all said simutanousely, "we'll never let anyone hurt you!"  
  
***  
  
"NOOOOO- huh?" Ness found himself to be on his bed at Onett. He looked out the window to see the typical things you see on a bright, beautiful morning. Bluebirds, the sun, pidgeon poop, yeah.  
  
"Oh Neeeeess!" His mom hollered. "Some people want to see you!"  
  
I wonder who they could be, Ness thought with a smile on his face. He opened the door, and immediatly horror struck his face.  
  
"HI NESSIE!" All of Niang screamed.  
  
Ness fainted right after that.  
  
***  
  
Okay, so I kinda lacked originality in the ending because it was the smae thing in my Invader Zim fanfic, "The Last Can of Soda". Meh. Not like anyone cares :P. 


End file.
